oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
whose parrot is this?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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