you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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