stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
