I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
