Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
