I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
