just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
