Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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