ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
