Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
