here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
