I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
