No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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