perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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