Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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