Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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