it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
