so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
