I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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