The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
