If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
