They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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