I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
