Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
