i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
then he tried to convert me to islam
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
