Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize