so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
