final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize