I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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