Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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I need you to use more vowels.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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