why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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