mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
