I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
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Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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