My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
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My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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