i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
