she was so not down for the gang bang
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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