i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
