Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
