Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
