I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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