I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
