guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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