so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
