Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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