With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
