Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
