glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
