Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
