Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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