Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
either way he was missing a nipple.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
