nut hugger
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
