i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
