Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved