YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
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He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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