Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
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Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.