i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy