Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
