My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."