if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish i was in the wii world.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD