Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  It's just like the Real World with babies

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  (330): It's just like the Real World with babies http://tfl.nu/2wbr
  Replies (10) Good night (665) Bad night (3300)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"

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  (317): sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president" http://tfl.nu/8jue
  Replies (21) Good night (6809) Bad night (1560)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.

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  (+44): So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors. http://tfl.nu/2asp
  Replies (32) Good night (3402) Bad night (1133)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...

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  (617): And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not... http://tfl.nu/7o3n
  Replies (13) Good night (1058) Bad night (3634)
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  (916): View more from California

  craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?

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  (916): craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in? http://tfl.nu/76bu
  Replies (16) Good night (8620) Bad night (1224)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.

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  (630): I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now. http://tfl.nu/zvll
  Replies (7) Good night (795) Bad night (1959)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.

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  (636): Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us. http://tfl.nu/w51y
  Replies (2) Good night (1797) Bad night (716)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.

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  (718): Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me. http://tfl.nu/u7k0
  Replies (7) Good night (1588) Bad night (640)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".

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  (386): Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant". http://tfl.nu/zn3b
  Replies (21) Good night (2447) Bad night (2082)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes

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  (716): You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes http://tfl.nu/q993
  Replies (3) Good night (717) Bad night (452)
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  (707): View more from California

  I wish your snatch was here

  (443): View more from Maryland

  If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you

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  (707): I wish your snatch was here (443): If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you http://tfl.nu/x7y8
  Replies (12) Good night (1728) Bad night (682)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?

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  (602): So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton? http://tfl.nu/2aht
  Replies (2) Good night (767) Bad night (519)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.

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  (843): I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done. http://tfl.nu/68sv
  Replies (2) Good night (793) Bad night (367)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!

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  (337): And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir! http://tfl.nu/0uwq
  Replies (1) Good night (494) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead

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  (603): The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead http://tfl.nu/vy0x
  Replies (5) Good night (416) Bad night (346)

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