Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.