I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude i'm inner monologue high
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.