worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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