have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...