you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees