i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂