Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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