I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic