Non-Jews are for practice
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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