I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
