My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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